Sunday, May 22, 2005

Theological Terms from the Esoteric Dictionary of Quasi-Spiritual Mistaken Knowledge

I found this over at XnForums....originally from The Door

Theological Terms from the Esoteric Dictionary of Quasi-Spiritual Mistaken Knowledge

By Randall F. West
Issue #188, July/August 2003

Trini-tini-tarianism – Belief in a miniscule but three-personed God.

Exebegesis – Textual interpretation that results in scaring the pants off you.

Septuasquint – Vision deficit resulting from intense study of small-print version of the Septuagint.

Codex Sinusitis – Historically important New Testament manuscript that makes you sneeze.

Hypocrypha – extra-canonical documents that pretend to be part of the apocrypha but aren’t.

Apocalips – The intensely pursed expression of readers of Left Behind books.

Tell-e-all-ogy – The theological justification for sleazy unauthorized biographies.

Penetetouche´ – A crushing rejoinder to arguments that Moses did not write the Penteteuch.

More-pheology Theology – The study of the slippery changes of the prosperity doctrine.

Trylemma – The crisis of conscience experienced by agnostics who try to respond to C.S. Lewis’ “Lord, liar or lunatic” argument.

Eh-scatology – Ho-hum exposition of the end times.

Decalogue – A dialogue between ten people. Often unsuccessfully attempted in Episcopal and Presbyterian communities. (Not related to the Ten Commandments, unless to debunk them.)

Christodgily – Dry, academic discussion of the various manifestations of Christ.

Form Criticism – What liberal theologians engage in when they go on Spring Break.

Intarnation – Ontological epithet often inserted into the sentence “What…are you doing?”

Propitchiation – A testimony of faith given by professional baseball players.

Par-wooz-sia – State of mental fuzziness induced by overlong fasting while reading the book of Revelation.

Par-ooz-sia – A divine appearance bringing about the end of the world in a slow, icky way.

Par-oops-sia – Heresy propounded by some writers who forgot where to look for the book of the Revelation.

KerygMama – A dynamic woman preacher (see also: Franklin, Aretha).

Kantikle of Kanticles – Seldom-sung love song based on Immanuel Kant’s Critique of Pure Reason.

Synaptic Gospels – Fast paced cyber-version of the Gospels edited by Keanu Reeves and the cast of The Matrix. Features amazing special effects, including the Apostle Paul evangelizing faster than humanly possible.

Dyslexic Gospels – Version that only makes sense read backwards.

Pteredactor – A theological dinosaur known for biting large holes in the text.

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